My Tired Thoughts
by: Victoria S. Rios-Rivas
July 20, 2018
I am tired
one would say
I am tired of the way I have behaved
I am tired of being told what to accept and do
unable to defend myself or create a tangible decision.
So thus, now I say again that I am tired.
The same theme song tends to repetitively bounce off the inner most parts of my head
the yearning of going Home with You
The tails have been told, the promises have been read, and the hope has grown
What else is left? Ahh, patience and application…
Patience is what has been lurking about, but has application?
where is application?
Have you seen him around? Has he been talked to recently? or at least contacted?
Honestly, I cannot say. But can others? Have I looked the part? I am not sure.
Oh, and did I mention that I am tired?
“What potential she has,” whispers an observer.
It’s easy to scratch the surface, but what would one find if they started digging into me?
Self inflicted pain? happiness? confusion? sorrow? heart ache? Sanity? Insanity? Love? Shame? Guilt? Regret? Anguish? Loss? Anxiety? Depression? Curiosity? Hope? Endurance? Fight? Persistence? Determination? Power over self? Maybe all of the above?
“I am sorry.” I say to myself, “ I am sorry for what I have done to you. I am sorry for hurting your parents. I am sorry for hurting your sister. I am sorry for hurting your body, your mind, your feelings. I am truly sorry. Will you ever forgive me?”
Stop. i am tired of your lies. I will never be able to forgive not standing up nor protecting myself against him—a total stranger. No, I am too tired to forgive myself today. But…
Maybe one day.
~V.S.R.R.
Photo: Benton, Harbor, USA
"It’s easy to scratch the surface, but what would one find if they started digging into me? " You have so many amazing quotes in these poems